I think one of my problems is my want to swim and float. I want the underwater feel and the breeze while floating all at once. I want that successful writer and pride in that and helping life. I want to live the way everyone wants but really I want to be different from the rest. It's like waiting on you tube for that song that's just going to hit you. and make you feel like you should get the credit for being the artist when you're just the one enjoying. But that's it. I want to be the artist and the people who have no interest but stare and try to understand each gallery. I want to be that girl with the normal husband family life when really I just want what I want to feel normal. And after awhile it gets hard pretending that you have confidence in what you believed you knew to be true about what you wanted. Or maybe even what you know you wanted, but even like that I can't just let myself be one or the other because if I stay on my side of the fence. Even watering the grass. I'll just want to hop it because I've never felt that kind of green. over there.
And that's where the problem starts
I've ripped too many jeans and torn too many ideas
But I keep finding a new pair a pants in every location and i'm happy with them for a while but then things start to change like just wanting a new finger nail color to match or major in schooling or thoughts about where I'm headed
and where others are
And then today things changed because I know now that comparison is the thief of joy. And that enjoying where I am is where I should be headed. And that I can make my grass on my side of the fence feel like any other green out there.
That I can become the artist and I do it through enjoying the views at each gallery. I can still have that normal family everyone wants and it wont be that normal but it will be to me. Because I'll always love things like matching every sock to a pair and throwing out what can't be fixed. I'll create and I wont be a swimmer or a floater because I'll be jogging or walking or strolling and those are the things I actually enjoy.