one day when i was sad lol

here me
my routine
im tired.
im tired of worrying about how many hours ill sleep tonight and how many hours i should have spent sleeping last night.
i'm tired, school is draining, and i thought the feeling of fitting in would come by now



I want to be me and I'm staring at her wondering how she did it.

im tired of pretending to be the A+ girl with a scholarship and dad's money
when im that C+ homie who studies and works more than she breathes

and

and im also tired of dreaming and waking up
and it's not because my dreams are better than reality i'm just tired of hoping for what I know is not why im here
 I'm not on earth for the perfect future family, body, house, life and that makes me tired
i'm tried of writing about sad things because I was happy  and happy was what I could have been all last year in my skin
I'm tired of being tired of things
i'm tired of girls getting guys and guys getting girls except me./
i'm tired of waiting for the right time when i don't even have time for me
so
so im tired and writing a blog in my math class with people around me who I should get to know but right now I'm tired
don't you worry tho cuz completing 514687218643 assignments is what I'll be doing tonight instead of dreaming

I'm tired of life being hard and pretending it's not becuase we shouldn't makes ourselves feel like that's the only way we're strong
so im not
I'm going to be real

realistic: Life is hard, but that's soley why we're here and dreaming helps me get through it sometimes. even if it's day dreaming about my future blogs in math classs

Triple Threat and the new fab five

shorts, sweats, songs
today I'm going to write about happiness because sweats are what I'm wearing and my friends with shorts are who I'm with
shorts, sweats, and songs because
because money today is giving me a mind full of memories tomorrow

sweats, songs, and shorts

you think you'll get tired of the triple repeated threat
when in reality you're tired of repeated work for repeated bills and repeated dreams of not working and no bills                                                                                                                                                    
hanging on to the past is what we're trying not to do realizing we're here hung dry

dry of dreams and the fake connections were pretending to have with real people

short, sweats, and songs creating friendship that's so real it can be taken fake

songs
songs are what we blast together from people who have been there before
for people who are in sweats with no direction now
And that's the best part
sweats, songs, or shorts aren't even worn and felt for the Instagram-Twitter-feed-post, it's for our children and the life we hope to spark in them with the lit pictures of our past.
and you won't get tired of sweats and the comfy they bring like the friendship we have

the shorts you'll grow out of like the friendship we have
but
but singing the songs will remind us when we've forgotten the triple threat
Yes we'll have children to bathe, money to buy and buy to money
and it's ok guys
cuz it's happy
happy that our money led to our new memories and that we're bathing our children instead of our minds with constant thoughts about ourselves
we'll have shorts that are too small and songs on replay and sweats that will always fit
and that's happy #thenewfabfive
P.S.
look how bright the stars are
and that's not even as bright as our future
especially when we're in our shorts, sweats, singing songs back in our triple threat

I just need five seconds to breathe ok?

And one's already gone explaining why I just need a second 

Two is used probably to do with hygiene (hopefully) but who has the time for that

Three I'm prayefully done with 1479 loads of dishes, laundry, and dishes again. Don't even get me started on on organizing or how there's not even a number for used diapers.

Four's definitely looking in the mirror and realizing I'm not who I want to be, but all the HW I have to turn in by 12.

Five I get a hug

The game changer 

The world is full of bad guys and when I start to think I'm one I'm just turning into a bad version of me.

The thoughts of what will be for dinner and why I'm already a mom blogger leave and I gain a hope of why I'm doing what I'm doing...

Then the clock stops ticking and I could care less about the germs and crumbs on the floor cuz I'm wiping away a tear that never had the chance to hit it- from a kid who's mom can't

I start to count to five and squeeze him cuz tickling is something HE only likes for five seconds.

When I get to four I'm thankful for God whose hand is always there and especially I'll notice when mine can't be.

Three turns into two when they say "Melissa makes it better"

And two turns in to one when I leave with a smile knowing I get to come back tomorrow