people are hard to get along with
like choosing my future when i dont have the belief that ill do the right thing
i try so hard to be good and end up
hearing the apologies replay over in my mind of what i could have said

i mean who knows if they really want to talk

most of the time they hear the clock tick and wait to hear themselves again

the fact is there are people hurting
people who can't even think of themselves because it kills them

but we
we are worried
worried about
we

who cares what they say if it doesnt add up
you know what its like to not be able to say what you fear clear
but its different cuz this one time for you
one thing for you
one moment for you

why do we let them sit alone
we sit with people who are hard to deal with for that yearbook memory lane day
when every night and every party is forgotten but you tell the future it was great

so they look for the experience you share and
and they cant find it because not only did you never lose it but you never
found it

and theres people lost
lost in our hallways
people who are what we are looking for but walk by
because we are lost in ourselves

but we
we are worried
worried about
we

who cares if what we do doesnt add up and if who we are wont add up
we are found in this group of people that are hard to get along with

found for a day that we can survive

until one day
the day we will wake up and realize we would have helped ourselves and many along the way
we could have been found
we could have found answers and helped another where to go

but this requires
this requires effort
effort to take your eyes
off your self

and look for the lost sheep
but i mean who really knows if they want to talk
or if they are happy with out knowing you
cuz that's all people are
we collect ideas and who we are based off what we see others are and what they accept

so what if we arent even ourselves for these people who need us

to many fears of questions

we go on
trying to survive
worried about we
worried about mostly me

like a brick we are ment to sink in the ocean
like a brick we are ment to build things and make them more solid
like a brick we are ment to only break things
not our selves
like a brick i sink and lose my way
like a brick i scream at my sister
like a brick i run with laughter
like a brick im full of every emotion
like a brick i'm
not like a brick
bricks arent ment for poetry just like im not ment for you
bricks dont care if you cry at night or dance in the mirror in the morn
bricks dont give a dang
and neither should i about you
i want to give you a reason to stay afloat
but i realize
if i'm not good enough
and what i say won't help you enough
and seeing the way the tides are coming
you'd rather jump in and most likely sink
then stay on land and hear me say i know its salty

i care if the world knows what my secrets are

i care if the world knows what my secrets are
i try and pretend to be perfect for all the imperfect people around me
i don't have a favorite color because i'm scared to be tied down to things
i have 75% of my confidence blown off me when i walk through the lone peak doors
i enjoy my alone time and sometimes i order and eat alone
i don't like the feeling of always having places to be because i lose where i am
i am annoying to sleep with because i spoon and need to feel something there
i still feel apart of me that's happy even when i'm sad and it makes me more sad

i care if the world knows what my secrets are

i cringe when i hear the word hate and cuss words ring in my ear until i want to say them myself
i love eating out and dreaming of my future home cooked meals
i involve effort with the things i truly care about and effort with the things i don't
i love that different seasons exists and every year the seasons are different
i feel that i'm over weight
i am always thinking about what i am doing verses what i should be doing
i get jealous over the size of frosting on cupcakes or what boys talk to other people over me

i care if the world knows what my secrets are

i get depressed sometimes
i love being center of attention
i had to think too long about how to spell the word center
i have A.D.D. and i don't even know how to write it out
i crave to write and be great at everything i do and feel like i fail when others don't think so

i care if the world knows what my secrets are

so i'm hoping telling the world what my secrets are will change that

i thought i was writing for you to love my lists....

                 

 



if you care to know me you probably already do
that's why i question my writing on this blog
 making these lists of things and ways for you to fall in love with me
but you, like many
you want someone to fall in love with the lists you, yourself have written
so,
so why are we writing blogs
we write for the art of writing some say

the art of my writing is
  attention
the art of my writing is
  attention from you
the art of my writing is
  hope
the art of my writing is
 hope i wish to give to you
the art of my writing is
 vulnerability
the art of my writing is
 vulnerability i wish to rub off on you

and if you know me you probably already know this
that's why i question writing on this blog

i thought i was writing for the art of writing
i thought i was writing for you to love my lists,
but
darling,
i'm writing
i'm writing so hopefully you will fall in love with you and your lists
and if you care to know me i hope you already love you